Is it too soon?

After almost 3 months of lock down, Boris Johnson is now urging people to go back to work. Shops are now open. Restaurants, bars, tattoo shops and salons. You are no longer queuing up outside supermarkets, and there are air planes in the sky once again as people jet off. It seems the world is going back to normal. 

What if you're not ready for normal? What even is normal now? 

With so much to feel anxious about, it's no wonder so many of us are feeling in a bit of a down state right now. From worrying if you still have a job, to just not being ready to face the world, it's a lot to take in. 

For me personally my head is all over the place. 

If you have read my previous posts about lock down and those first few weeks, then you'll know that it was a hard thing for me to adjust to, and played on my mind a lot. I had gotten used to the face masks, the queuing up to get into supermarkets, not seeing friends and family. 

This week i took a trip to the supermaket on my own, and i felt like i was back at square one again. 

Hardly any one had on face masks, there were no ques outside, no social distancing going on. All of a sudden, i felt like i was missing something. Was covid over? Or are people just giving up. Once again, i was finding it harder to breathe and wanted to get out of the store. 

I have gotten so used to the "new normal", that it felt weird to go back to the old ways.

So many people i have seen online at gatherings and parties, out drinking, and for me, i'm just not ready for that right now. Yes, i have been to a small gathering (less than 8 people, or met up with just 1 person at a time) but the thought of going clothes shopping or on a night out, just made me feel sick. I still won't go visit grandparents, out of fear of putting them at risk. 

When lock down was first announced all those months ago, we struggled with the idea. We couldn't see friends and family, we had to adjust to being in the house. Some of us moved in with partners, some of us moved out to keep family safe. A few weeks into it, we were all bored. We were counting down until we were allowed out, planning those post lock down parties, those holidays. So why do we not want to do those things now? 

Anxiety UK has acknowledged this as "post lock down anxiety". It is the fear and worry about the restrictions being lifted and about the "new normal."

In march we had worries about saftey, job security, financial situations. We worried about our family members, and those at risk. Then we got used to working from home and felt safe and protected behind closed doors. We could see the steps being made by stores to keep them clean. From security on the doors only allowing a small amount in at a time, to cleaning stations being monitored as you enter. 

Now it feels like those things stopped over night. And those initial fears of finances, saftey and job security are back. Some of us are back at work, some of us are in limbo over if we even have jobs still. 

It is a lot to take in, and a lot to think about. One minute we are being told that face masks don't do much to protect you, the next we can be fined for not wearing one. So much mixed information, contradicting the previous. It's no wonder i feel dizzy all the time! 

'Lessons from Lockdown', by the London based Republic, have dubbed us 'Isolation Generation - IsoGen' and reported that 52% of 18-34 year olds have been suffering with anxiety, with 25% saying it had affected their mental health! So if you are feeling it, you are not alone. 

The ever present questions. What will life be like? How easy can we adjust? Are we safe? 

We all joked at the start about 'forgetting how to socialise' but now we realise that this may be a real thing. Having no company, or only the company of your household, changes things. 

For me personally, i was greatful my partner moved in with me, to stop me being alone. We adjusted to being around each other 24/7, and then all of a sudden he was back at work. The time on my own, i have battled with my own personal issues. As many of us did during lock down, i let myself go a little. Now a stone heavier than when we entered lock down, my confidence is low. Clothes don't fit the way they did, other people have been posting non stop work outs and weight loss. My body isnt post lock down ready. Living online, it's easy to work angles and lighting on photos, to edit and add filters, going out in the real world, i'm forced to accept that i don't always look like that. I feel like a catfish. 

For the past week or so, i have been feeling very disconnected. Almost as if i am on auto pilot. I haven't been sleeping properly, nothing is giving me enjoyment, and the self hate for myself and self esteem is at a dangerous point. I opened up about this online recently, and i discovered that i am far from alone. 

So many of us are feeling stuck in a funk, just lost. This led me to think about why it's so many of us, and do some research on this 'post lock down anxiety'. 

Physical Symptoms:

- Increased Heart Rate

- Muscle Tension

- Jelly Legs

- Tension Headaches

- Tingling hands and feet

- Dizziness and/or hyperventilating 

- Using the toilet more

- Panic Attacks

Psychological symptoms:

- Thinking you're losing control or going mad

- Feeling detatched from environment

- Feeling faint or sick

- Recurring worries about the future

- Feeling unsettled or tense

- Sleep issues

- Constantly checking the news for covid/lockdown updates

- Panic Attacks

So what can i do about how i feel?

Talk to a friend 

Remember that you are not alone in how you feel. If you are feeling over whelmed, reach out to a friend or family member, call a helpline, or find a healthy way to get your feelings out. For me, this blog has been amazing in helping me do this. 

Take one day at a time

Focus more on the right now. Things are changing so fast that no one really knows about tomorrow. 

Accept there are things you can not control

Be in control of YOU and accept that there are things you can not control. What other people do being one of them. If other people are taking more risks and rushing back to normality, it doesn't mean that you have to. 

Focus on positive things

During the time away from work, you have discovered new things. Hobbies, things about yourself you didn't know. See the hidden blessing. 

Exercise, meditate or get some fresh air

Work that tension out. Find a way to channel it, get some fresh air to help relax your mind. 

Monitor your inner dialogue 

Are you're thoughts being helpful? Or are they causing you to go into overdrive. 

Be kind to yourself and others

In the words of Jessie J "It's ok not be ok, tears don't mean your're losing." Don't be hard on yourself for how you feel, or how you have handled lockdown. At the same time, remember to be kind to others too. There is so much online, judging on how people are coping. 

Take babysteps into your social life 

Just because all your mates have been meeting up and socialising together, it doesn't mean you have to. If you're not ready for that yet, you're friends will understand, and if they're good friends, they'll be there when you are ready. Don't rush it.